


nevermind

by madlife



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlife/pseuds/madlife
Summary: It's the late 90s, the world is rapidly changing, and Dream Rock Festival is coming to change the lives of unknown bands like Mark's. But even before the festival, in Mark's little world, he finds himself already dealing with sudden changes: a change within the band, in his relationship with their vocalist Donghyuck, and within himself.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	nevermind

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for waiting for this!
> 
> btw theyre not a grunge band and theyre not gonna talk about nirvana, i just really wanted to use the word "nevermind" HAHAHAJDJD

Nothing much had changed. Mark wasn't complaining, though. Everything was all good: he got his baby in his arms, a 1991 Fender Standard Strat, Olympic white, its neck in his left hand, his favorite Tortex pick, a gift from Donghyuck last year, in the other. There was the buzz from the amps. The darkness, the orbs of yellow light, and the blast of red spotlight, soft-edged and wide. The cheers and the chatters and the clinking of drinks. He was on stage, cords surrounding his feet. His bandmates with him. Felt nice. _Real_ nice. Nothing wrong if things would stay the same.

This was their last performance as a part of a regular gig—the first regular gig they had booked. During those two months, everything had been the same. Next summer break, if things wouldn't work out, they would try to book another regular gig here. This year's summer break was still dragging itself. But soon enough it would end for the start of the fall semester.

Mark spun around when he heard a thumping from the bass drums. Jaemin was shifting in his seat behind the drum kit, the color of his hair, ice blue, unapparent. When they made eye contact, Mark nodded, like asking if he was good. Jaemin raised his shoulders to his ears, scrunched his whole face into an exaggerated smile, and lifted a hand to answer Mark with the horn sign. It appeared like that Sailor Moon thing to Mark, but all right, Jaemin actually meant _rock_ _on_ , so Mark was confident he'd be fine. The band would be fine, too, they could adjust to each other effortlessly.

Mark patted his forehead thrice. _Let's get it, let's get it, let's get it_. It was some kind of a good luck thing before every gig, like the black headband around his forehead, which he'd only wear on stage, his parted bangs a curtain over it. With a single look, he signaled Jaemin that he was ready, just after the others did, and so Jaemin finally started with a count off, hitting his drumsticks together: One. Two. Three. Four. Then a distorted, gritty riff erupted.

It wasn't long into the riff before Mark turned to his right, expecting to find Donghyuck already staring at him, waiting for Mark to look up from his guitar. Instead he saw Donghyuck still bobbing his head to the intro, hair bouncing softly. Donghyuck had let his hair grow the whole summer break—it gently fell against his nape and the sides of his face, covering most of his ears but the lobes, and over his forehead, always with a middle part. Looked dang nice, and cool, he looked cool standing like that. Tonight he was wearing plaid, midnight blue, unbuttoned over a graphic tee. He had asked Mark to match with him, but Mark said nah and wore only a plain black T-shirt. It was still hot. Mid-August hot. It had been quite some time since Mark had seen Donghyuck's favorite leather jacket, though.

When Donghyuck finally turned towards Mark's direction, their eyes instantly met, and Mark saw and felt how both of their gazes transformed into something similar, like they were both surprised that it was Mark who was the one staring, waiting. They both broke into a smile. Donghyuck shook his head, then faced him again and gave Mark what he didn't know he had been anticipating: a wink. More like a blink. But the many times Donghyuck had flicked one at him before every first song on their set list, like it was his own good luck thing, Mark could now easily recognize right away that that blink was supposed to be a wink. The Donghyuck wink. It was cute.

That whole moment happened for about five seconds, to Mark it felt as long as a four-minute song and now he kinda wanted to keep the record playing until he reach a hidden track, if there was one. But Donghyuck was already moving closer to the mic. " _Everything's the same story_ …" he sang.

Donghyuck released the mic from its grip on the stand, about to go off into the second verse. Mark briefly checked on Jaemin, who was being careful with his movements, his hits not as hard as the usual. During their pre-gig warm up a while ago, Jaemin had told them that he might change a few things, and that he would have to tone down his energy for the night. He would still try to play like how he usually would as this was their last. The pain in his body was even worse right now, he said, especially in his lower back, but he assured them it was tolerable. Mark forgot what it was called, but they all knew Jaemin had it since high school. They figured it had aggravated over years of playing drums.

"Guys. It comes out naturally," Jaemin had said when they suggested that he should maybe chill for the sake of his back. He played with his whole body. He'd be so into it that Mark had often seen him lift his ass from the drum throne then plop down again. Jaemin said as he hit his sticks together, one _clack_ for each syllable, "Don't. Mess. With. Me. drumming style, is what it's called. Understand?"

The others teased him. "Oh. I thought you were throwing a tantrum all this time," said Donghyuck. After a cackle, Renjun said, "I thought you were just angwy." Jeno nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Mark just laughed. And Jaemin frowned and flipped them off.

Jaemin was doing fine, it seemed to Mark.

Donghyuck had just closed the second chorus with one confident flap of his open shirt, then pointed at someone in the audience he must have recognized.

Mark felt good seeing familiar faces, a few following they had gained for almost two years of gigging all over Seoul. Most of them were college students, same as Mark and his bandmates, likely attending one of the many universities around the neighborhood of Sinchon. This bar and live music venue, Neozone, was located in Sinchon too but nowhere near any of the universities—underground and inconspicuous between derelict spaces made alive with colorful vandals, washed-out posters, and neon lights from signs across the road.

For a month now Mark had been daydreaming about performing at Yonsei University's amphitheater. Not that they were already sick and tired of doing gigs here—they would often jokingly call Neozone "our crib" but somehow it was the truth. The dark and crammed stairway where they would skip down single file to the actual entrance. The hallway with walls adorned with wrinkled posters their fingertips had often grazed on. The high cieling they would tip their heads back for to see its expanse like some stargazing stuff. The crowd huddled near the stage, jumping, and the people raising their drinks in the air from their table or from the bar. The owners who had become friends, mentors.

It was just that, they had been anticipating and dreading a callback from Dream Rock Festival, which was to be held at Yonsei's open amphitheater, 7,500 capacity. They had auditioned last July. Mark was sure all of them had daydreamed of being on that stage at least...thrice. If they would end up among the 7,500 crowd, then, it was fine. They could try again next year if no other opportunities would come up.

First song on the set list ended with a slap on the cymbals. Donghyuck ran a hand through his hair before sipping from a water bottle. Mark tossed a quick nod at Jaemin. Honestly, any change wasn't obvious, his playing still sounded the same.

"Yeah, that song's called _Go_ ," said Donghyuck. "I'm Lee Donghyuck. And that guy on the lead is called _Mark_ _Lee_." Donghyuck glanced at Mark, not to point the crowd to where this Mark Lee was, but to silently ask him, did you hear that? Donghyuck had sworn he'd be able to perfectly imitate Mark's pronunciation of his name someday. "Someday, we're going to sound the same," Donghyuck had said with a puff and a gaze of someone who had accepted an impossible challenge.

Mark bowed and lifted a hand as a greeting.

"Lee Jeno on the rhythm," Donghyuck went on. Jeno looked up from his Gibson and smiled. His position onstage had always been between Mark and Donghyuck, a bit towards the back.

Donghyuck walked over to his right where Renjun was alone at that side of the stage. He hovered a palm near the strings of Renjun's Fender P Bass and, of course, Renjun gaped at him.

"Bassists are so overlooked and underrated. Gotta grab every opportunity to show off!" Renjun had stated one time, and so he would often do a quick bass line during introductions.

Donghyuck teased him, "Yadda yadda yadda," said Donghyuck. "It's a waste of time! We gotta move on as soon as possible."

But, as always, Donghyuck dropped his hand with a giggle, and let Renjun do his thing. (Mark couldn't hear if there was a giggle, but from that smile, he knew there was a giggle). "On bass here is Hwang Injun," Donghyuck said, using Renjun's Korean name.

Donghyuck went back in front of the mic stand, and as soon as Renjun was done with his very short solo, he continued, "That guy over there on the drums is Na Jaemin."

Jaemin waved his sticks.

Donghyuck leaned in to the mic. "And we are called Deep Sleep."

They moved on to the rest of their 40-minute set list, Jaemin attacking with a drum intro.

Originals, covers (they'd cover anything, really, and would perform their own rendition, but there would always be at least one from the classic rock and heavy metal essentials, as they better suited Donghyuck's voice), then their set would close with more originals. In between, though, they would take requests. Nowadays people had been asking for some latest releases from Delispice, Sinawe, N.EX.T, Seo Taiji, then there was a few who would randomly shout a mainstream Western band, last week it was "Oasis!"

At Dream Rock Festival, unknown acts like them would only get fifteen minutes, that would be at least three songs, while established bands get thirty. Six nobodies playing alternately with six well-known acts.

Mark, Donghyuck, and Jeno attended Yonsei. Imagine them walking to class along the road lined up with Dream Rock Festival banners on poles, seeing their band's name among Delispice, Crying Nut, Crash, Mark could only think _oh my god_.

Their name Deep Sleep, though. They had once introduced themselves as The Coyotes. One of them just happened to find a sketch of a coyote on Renjun's notebook, but there was already a musical act called Koyote, and eventually they hated how it sounded. Then Poongsun Gum because they were all chewing on bubble gums the time they had thought of it and well, bubble gum tasted nice. But they were told that hearing the name gave the impression that they were a Joseon punk band, which was too far from how their music sounded like.

Then one day at Empathy Records, a record store where Jeno and Renjun worked, Mark was talking to Ten, one of the staff, in English. He was comparing something (he had already forgotten what) to being like in a deep sleep. Jeno was the first one to imitate him, repeating "deep sleep" with a fascinated smile. Then Jaemin in his cute voice because he thought the "eep" sounded cute. Then Donghyuck, much later, when he and Mark, half of their body, were sprawled on the counter. The coldness of the countertop seeped in through Mark’s cheek, and Donghyuck’s eyes pierced through him.

" _Deep sleep_ , what does it mean?" Donghyuck had asked, kind of whispering like it was a secret.

Donghyuck listened to Mark's explanation while blinking his eyes very slowly. When Mark was done, they just stared at each other, Donghyuck still blinking slowly like he was about to sleep.

Mark heard Ten say, " _Deep sleep_ sounds like it can be a band's name, right?" just as Donghyuck, all of a sudden, winked at him.

“Oh!” Mark straightened up. "Can we, can we, can we—" He cleared his throat. "Can we use that, like, as a band name?" He could hear Donghyuck's snickering. He lay a palm on Donghyuck's back and felt its shaking.

Mark had only blurted that out because he was flustered as fuck—that time, Donghyuck was just beginning to tease him with the winking stuff. But the others thought the name was not a bad idea. And after some thinking, they all agreed that they were Deep Sleep. That was it.

Whenever they were asked about it, they would make things up and say they were inspired by Deep Purple or sometimes they'd say R.E.M. or that they want to evoke a transcendental feeling of being in a deep sleep through music, some shit like that. Mark's favorite explanation was, getting lost in the music when playing, being in that flow, was like being in a deep sleep: difficult to wake up from, but once you do, you'd feel refreshed, unless you were forced to wake up, then you'd feel groggy.

There was a gig in Hongdae a year ago that he would never forget, for another reason other than being the night where their extension cord was stolen. Mark was doing a solo, lost in that flow, when he caught Donghyuck's eyes. For the whole solo Donghyuck kept his eyes locked on him. Not a teasing stare, to Mark it felt more like a pondering gaze. The following day Mark borrowed from Jaemin one of the tapes of their recorded practice sessions. Whenever the band watch one of these, Mark would only listen to his playing, he would barely pay any attention to how he looked like. It was the first time he had observed himself: he'd play with his hips jutted out a bit; his chin to his chest; head, every now and then, would turn to his right, where Donghyuck was. Stealing glances.

Mark had become too conscious after that. He attempted to change, but then looking away from Donghyuck had led to looking away from that flow, and so he had messed things up, going out of focus, he wasn't really playing playing. He never tried again and just let himself be. He couldn't really change something that was...natural and unconscious, couldn't he?

They concluded their last song with punchy power chords from Jeno and a sustained "siren scream" from Donghyuck. Donghyuck thanked everyone at Neozone and introduced the band one last time. Mark added a few things right after, just a little message, then Donghyuck teased him with a fake yawn, so in the middle of chuckling and talking, Mark flipped him off, to which Donghyuck responded with a heart, two curves over his head.

They stayed awhile. Some people approached them to express how they loved the band's sound (Mark and the rest would gape at one another; it was still unbelievable). Another band had come to watch their show, rock trio Cherry Bomb. Mark and Donghyuck chatted with them while the others loitered at the bar.

"We got a callback last week," said Yuta, Cherry Bomb's drummer. "We're playing!"

"Wow, oh my god! Congratulations, dudes." Mark raised a a random bottle of beer that his hand could reach.

"Oooh!" Donghyuck exclaimed, giving a high-five to each Cherry Bomb member.

"They didn't ask for another audition. They just broke the news that we got in and yadda yadda yadda," Yuta said.

"Akmong is playing too, I think," their bassist Sicheng said.

"Johnny said it was confirmed yesterday. They're gonna play too," Taeil, their vocalist and guitarist, added.

Johnny was Akmong's drummer, also one of Neozone's owners, the other being Akmong's lead guitarist, Taeyong. They were here a while ago, but had to dip somewhere.

"I wonder if the lineup for the unknown acts is already settled…" Donghyuck said.

"Do guys happen to know how many are left?" Mark asked.

They all shrugged, said they had no idea at all.

"There's still time," Yuta assured them.

Donghyuck promised that he and Mark and the others would be at the pit section, supporting Cherry Bomb and Akmong, if Deep Sleep wouldn't make it.

That night, they silently sauntered home. The lights from bars and clubs and karaoke room signs, way too bright, illuminated them and the streets like spotlights. Mark's baby hanging over his right shoulder, Donghyuck gently holding onto Mark's left arm. "Why is this day so fucking tiring?" Donghyuck muttered once, as faint, fuzzy music trailed behind.

■

Afternoon heat crept upon their skin and around the living room. Mark was sitting on the edge of the couch to keep his bare back from touching the back rest, his skin felt too sticky. Warm air was blowing from the stand fan. He had been noodling on his acoustic guitar—a Martin, his first baby, which he had gotten in middle school as a present—perched on the lap of his jersey shorts. Across from him, Renjun had been pacing in front of the television, mumbling an unrecognizable song, furiously fanning himself with a magazine, the sleeves of his oversized white T-shirt rolled up.

Mark's eyes wandered over to Donghyuck who was on the floor, slouching in front of an oscillating mini fan, uttering low _aaaahs_ every time the fan would swing back to him. Beside him, Jeno was leaning his head on his arm that was resting on the curve of his guitar.

They were at Donghyuck and Jeno's crib, a redbricked boarding house fifteen minutes away from Yonsei by foot. Their housemates had gone back to their hometowns for the break, only Donghyuck and Jeno stayed, for the gigs.

Twenty minutes ago they were lazily jamming to songs they had considered the best track one, side B (after a half-hearted argument). They had temporarily abandoned three rented videotapes of local movies from the 80s, piled on the low, wooden table in the middle of the room. They were supposed to have a marathon, but Jaemin had not arrived yet. Last week they watched Hong Kong films. Mark knew most of their attention would be on the landline beside the couch, though.

Mark didn't need any confirmation. All of them had been doing the same thing since the audition: daydream about the festival and hope for a callback. At the boarding house while they chew on watermelon cubes; while they turn a metal song into an acoustic one; while they sing along to a record and change the lyrics and imitate vocalists and imitate instrument sounds with their mouths; while they talk and debate over the best release of the decade; while they play random games made up by Donghyuck; much worse while they listen to an album or watch a movie in silence. It was always worse in silence.

Even when they were still practicing for their regular gig, at an affordable rehearsal studio called Dream Launch (the fee was already cheap, but they had also acquired a working student discount. "It exists!" Kun, the owner, had insisted). As they attempt to beat each other's scores at any game at Chewing Gum, an arcade across Dream Launch. Or as they try everything on the menu at the newly-opened KFC on the main street. Or as they bother Doyoung and Ten at Empathy Records.

"Waiting for a callback is like waiting for an answer to a confession. A love confession," Donghyuck was saying into the fan, his voice vibrating. "Are you going to be rejected or not?"

"What the hell," Mark reacted. Mostly because they rarely mention the callback if it was only them, and also, did Donghyuck confess to someone?

Donghyuck leaned back, flattened his palms on the floor, and glared at Mark over his shoulder. Mark shivered, pretending to cringe from Donghyuck's callback love confession comparison.

"Maybe if you wear a shirt you wouldn't shiver like that," Donghyuck muttered, gaze lingering on the exposed part of Mark's abdomen, then thickly gliding up to Mark's eyes. _Should I get the guitar out of the way?_ Mark, surprisingly, thought _._

Renjun laughed. "What? Did you just confess or something?" he said.

They both looked away.

This thing between them. An unacknowledged thing. Or at least Mark had the impression that there was a thing between them. This thing, he had pictured it developing into something more, but _nah_ , he would usually think, shaking his head. That thing was kinda risky. Rarely worked out, he knew that. One change in a relationship between two members, then boom, a ripple effect within the band; a ripple that might even turn into a big wave. He knew that well. Actually, Mark didn't even know if Donghyuck liked him. Like, liked him. Really liked him. Or like, perhaps, Donghyuck just liked Mark's reactions, as he had said many times before. But whatever. It would be better if things would stay the same.

"I think it's from the drama auntie likes," Jeno said, lifting his head. He flapped the round neck of his sleeveless top.

Donghyuck tipped his head back and laughed. He spun around, turning his back from the fan. He relaxed his elbows on his knees. Red shorts too short. "Yesterday I was so bored," he said. "So I turned the TV on. And the VCR. But I didn't know there was a tape in the VCR. So it automatically played. Of course I was startled. It was a recorded drama. The scene was, there was this guy having an overly dramatic monologue in his head." He paused to giggle. "Honestly, I have no clue if he confessed. It just looks like it. But he was waiting for the girl's call. Worried about what she's going to say about their relationship or something."

Then Donghyuck acted it out, widening his roaming eyes, one hand over his heart, gasping here and there. They were all cracking up, Mark stomping a foot because, seriously, Donghyuck was the shit.

The afternoon and the whirring of the fans droned on as their laughter died down. Donghyuck began tapping his fingertips on the floor, eyes on the unoccupied space beside Mark where he had thrown his T-shirt on. Either he really wanted Mark to cover up or he wanted to sit beside him. Mark would always jam shirtless, though. Now he was beginning to wait for Donghyuck to get up and get over here.

Renjun plopped down and slammed the magazine on the table, his back on the TV. He said, imitating Donghyuck, "Waiting for Na Jaemin to show up is like...I don't know." Renjun flipped the pages of the magazine. Flip, and flip, and flip, and flip, without pausing to at least scan a page.

"Waiting for Na Jaemin to show up is like waiting for Na Jaemin to show up," said Donghyuck as he rose from the floor. His eyes were still on the space next to Mark, and so Mark picked his T-shirt up and slung it over his shoulder. Donghyuck was approaching him now. He couldn't help it, his gaze darted down on Donghyuck's legs.

The first time Mark had seen Donghyuck wear shorts this short, Donghyuck was letting them inside the boarding house. Mark had blurted out a "Wow." He managed to shut his mouth before he could add, "So pretty, dang." But when he found Donghyuck gaping at him, Mark stammered and croaked out, "Long. Your legs. So long. Wow." But for real, they were long, significantly longer than his torso, perfect body proportion, he thought.

Donghyuck let out an amused chuckle and said, deliberately, "You know what else is long?"

"Oh my fucking—"

Donghyuck finally sat down next to Mark.

"I can imagine Jaemin being chill, like stirring his coffee very carefully," Jeno said as he wiggled his way in front of the mini fan.

"Should we watch one already?" Renjun asked, now examining the back cover of the _Chilsu and Mansu_ tape, magazine set aside. No one answered. Mark felt like they didn't want to do anything anymore. They were distracted by the silence of the phone.

Mark laid his guitar on his other side, neck on the arm rest. He put his T-shirt on, red but not as red as Donghyuck's shorts, its redness was as hot as the weather. As Mark slumped in his seat, he quickly noticed their legs, spread wide, and the proximity of their knees. He stared at that wall of space. He could crash that wall with one slight movement of his knee, and pretend like nothing had been done.

Donghyuck started slapping his thighs to a certain beat. He'd do this if he was chewing over something, to prevent himself from biting his nails. Mark wished to know what song it was in his head if there was one, or what he was contemplating about. He watched Donghyuck's thighs jiggle a bit to every slap. Quick little jerks to every beat. Then the phone rang. They all froze.

"Yo. Oh my god." Mark straightened his body. He was the nearest to the phone.

They looked at one another. "Who's gonna answer that!" Renjun said, throwing a VHS with a smack.

"Oh my god. Hold up. What if it's not from the festival," Mark said.

"Hey, one of you should answer that!" Renjun pointed at Donghyuck and Jeno.

"Lee Jeno!" Donghyuck cried.

"Why me? You're closer to the phone!" Jeno protested but he scrambled to his feet, sliding on his way to where the landline was. He answered. Suddenly, silence shuddered the whole room. Even the fans seemed to quiet down. A beat, and then Jeno gestured that it was the festival on the other end of the line, and so the rest of them stood up and gathered near him. Jeno nodded and continuously uttered "Yes. Yes. Yes," and they waited with bated breath.

"Thank you." Finally, Jeno carefully lowered the phone. He turned to them, and quickly said, "Wemadeit."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," Mark repeatedly exclaimed. Jeno was hopping with excitement and Renjun was running around the room, arms held high. Donghyuck was covering his mouth and had been saying, "Really? Really?" again and again. Mark pulled him into a hug, and that was when they both screamed or cried or laughed all at the same time, he didn't know, but their chests were vibrating. Jeno and Renjun joined them, then Mark heard Renjun say, "Oh! Na Jaemin!"

They all stopped and staggered a bit, smiles on their faces.

Jaemin was at the end of the entryway. "What's happening? What's happening? What? What?" then in English, " _What_!"

"Dude, we're playing at Dream Rock!" said Mark, one arm still over Donghyuck's shoulder, the other lingering on Donghyuck's hips.

Jaemin put his arms in the air, mouth in a wide grin. They copied him and now they all looked like a bunch of grinning idiots surrendering to something. But then Jaemin frowned, then he dropped his arms. "Oh," he uttered. He licked his lips, face in a serious expression, then he bowed, 90 degrees. "Really, really sorry," he said.

Their arms fell on their sides in confusion.

"Eh?" Jeno uttered.

"You never say sorry when you're late," Renjun said, letting out a chuckle, the kind of chuckle when things were starting to feel awkward.

"Isn't he always late?" Jeno joked, dipping his head to one side, smiling.

Mark did the chuckle too.

Jaemin muttered, head still lowered to a bow, "No. Seriously. I'm sorry."

"Dude, you're actually making me nervous right now," Mark said.

“Don’t tell me you’re quitting the band!” said Renjun.

Jaemin stood upright and gasped. “I’m upset you’d think of me that way, Injunnie.”

"Then what?" Donghyuck asked. He was getting uneasy, with the way his eyebrows were raised, his lips parted. Mark laid a hand on Donghyuck's nape and gave it a few squeeze, just a quick massage.

"Well. I...went to see my doctor," Jaemin started. He was standing straight in his Megadeth shirt, with his feet together, hands clasped in front of him. "I have to go to therapy for months. Depends how long. Twice a week. But the point is. I'm not allowed to play drums while I'm doing therapy. I'm really really sorry."

There was a stillness for a moment before Mark spoke, "Yo, did you commute all the way here in your condition?"

They immediately let Jaemin take a seat on the couch next to Mark's guitar. "I can't sit for too long, though," he said. He was tight lipped for a while as he looked at them one by one. Then he beamed. He swat his hand in the air like that would make their worries away and said, voice high pitched, “I’m okay, I’m okay."

Mark heard Donghyuck sigh, then he felt his own arm swing rearward when Donghyuck stepped back, and that was the moment it dawned on him that he had been chewing on his lips, and that he had been gripping Donghyuck’s pinky the whole time. This had happened before, a minute before their turn to audition, but back then he had let go and rushed to scratch his head and for a second he didn’t know what to do with his hands, as if letting them naturally hang would look unnatural. He ended up crossing his arms over his chest way too high. But now he didn't let go, and just tightened his grip.

The fans churred. The heat crawled. Mark's right arm kept swaying back and forth every time Donghyuck took a step forward, then backward. Mark hesitated a bit but he let go of Donghyuck's pinky, and clapped. "All right. Guys. Come on. Let's think of a solution, all right?"

First thing they had thought of was to post ads looking for a fill-in drummer, _urgent_! Jeno supplied Renjun with a pile of scrap papers and a pencil to work on a poster design. For the most part only the scratching sounds surrounded the room.

"Oooh," Mark teased, to kind of lighten up the mood, following the movements of Renjun's hand as he wrote or drew something. Mark actually couldn't see a thing from his position now—he was perched on the floor, back against the couch, Donghyuck next to him, the little table between them and Renjun.

Renjun stuck his tongue out at him without looking up.

Jeno had set aside his guitar and was now sprawled on the floor. Donghyuck had been tapping his thigh again, a slower beat this time, like a counterattack to his probably galloping heartbeat. He had been staring into space but would mumble a joke every now and then.

"How about drummers we have previously worked with?" Mark asked.

Only Mark and Donghyuck were in a band back in high school. Donghyuck was his band's drummer. While Mark had no idea where to find theirs. Scanning the white pages for their drummer's name would be pointless, one of his parents was probably listed there anyway, whose names Mark never knew.

"Besides, we don't have a phone book here," said Donghyuck.

"Actually. I'm not in good terms with the guy, anyway," Mark muttered.

They all playfully gasped and were all, "Mark hyung? Not in good terms with someone?" It was an inband feud, he said. But did not involve him.

A moment later, Renjun asked, flapping one paper in the air, "How long will it take to get a response from this?"

"A long time," Donghyuck replied.

Jeno rolled from his back to lay on his stomach. "Doyoung hyung said Akmong took a whole semester."

"What!" Jaemin exclaimed.

"Damn, a whole semester?" Mark said.

"Oh! Right…yeah, yeah. I remember him telling us the Akmong origin stories," said Renjun, giggling. "Akmong. A literal nightmare."

"Who was that? Who responded to their ad? Jungwoo hyung?" asked Donghyuck, wrapping his arms around his folded legs.

Jeno shook his head. "Jaehyun hyung. I remember Doyoung hyung said Jaehyun hyung went to Empathy just to sell LPs or whatever to the store, to sell a few from his collection. He saw the ad looking for a permanent guitarist on the glass door, so he asked if he could audition."

"Oh my god. We only have like, two months before the festival." Mark sighed and extended his legs under the table. He kinda wanted to run. But all right, _it depends_ , _it depends_. They should at least get a response a month before the festival.

Donghyuck's head dropped on Mark's shoulder. Mark stiffened, but instantly relaxed when he felt Donghyuck's arm sneaking in. Then, Donghyuck turned Mark's hand over, and began stroking Mark's calloused fingertips with his own. Mark had previously thought Donghyuck would only do this to get a reaction from him for his own amusement, but now Mark wondered if Donghyuck was doing this for him, to soothe him, because it was _absolutely_ working.

Renjun chuckled. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he said. Mark looked up and found Renjun pointing the pencil's eraser at Mark, or at Donghyuck, or at the both of them. "I'm still expecting Mark hyung to push Donghyuck away, or be all—" Renjun heaved a shoulder up with a force.

Mark stuttered, then scoffed to get a hold of himself, then finally managed to say, "People change, man. We get used to things, you know. That's how you survive." He nodded. Actually, Mark didn't even notice. He would like to think that he had a better control of himself now.

Donghyuck stopped to shake Mark's arm in response, whining theatrically.

"What," said Mark, chuckling. That was cute.

Renjun later showed them how the posters would look like, but they agreed to still consider people they already knew. They thought of Renjun's roommate who had introduced himself as Hendery, drummer of a four-piece band called Bad Alive. They had often crossed paths at Dream Launch, even jammed once.

"They auditioned too," Renjun said. "But I'm just not sure if they got in. It's kinda harder for a non-Korean band, you know…"

"How about Ten hyung?" Jaemin asked. "Does he know how to play drums?"

Ten was not in a band, but they all knew he played guitar.

"He's always with Johnny hyung, maybe he might have taught Ten hyung something…" said Jeno.

Donghyuck scoffed, lifting his head from Mark's shoulder. He had completely let go of Mark's hand, but his arm still lingered on Mark's lap. "They just flirt..." he said.

"Are they…a thing?" Jaemin wondered aloud.

"Wait what? Johnny hyung's gay?" Mark gaped.

Donghyuck pinched Mark's ear because he was "so cute" then Renjun told him that Johnny and Ten had met at a gay bar in Itaewon, the first gay bar in South Korea, which opened a few years back. Mark had heard the news of its opening some time when he was in middle school or high school, he couldn't exactly remember, perhaps between 1991 and 1994. But he could clearly recall that that was when he had first realized that such big change was possible.

"Ten hyung had no idea that Johnny hyung is in the same band as the owner of the store he had applied to," Renjun said, laughing. During a slow shift at Empathy where they would usually tell stories to pass time, Renjun shared, Ten had reenacted his reaction, Johnny's reaction, and Doyoung's reaction when Johnny burst into Empathy and had recognized Ten.

"So are they a thing?" Jaemin asked again.

Renjun shrugged. "Maybe? I don't know...they still haven't acknowledged their obviously changing relationship." He looked down and picked up the pencil. Only a second had passed before he looked up again, wondering, "Or maybe they have acknowledged it already...silently."

A minute later they decided to ask Ten. Jeno phoned the store. The call didn't last long. Jeno immediately turned to them and said in English as though imitating Ten, " _Nope_!"

Right after, they thought of calling Dream Launch to ask Kun, but they didn't know the phone number. "I told you, there's no phone book here," said Donghyuck, so there was no other way of knowing unless they meet him in person.

"Let's just go there," Mark suggested. "It's just a twenty minute walk, you know. Also I feel like we _need_ to take a _walk_. Actually! We _really_ need some fresh air. You good with that Jaemin?"

■

Already, lights from lampposts bathed the main street, although it wasn’t dark yet. The sun was still getting ready to dip. It wasn’t as hot anymore. A subtle breeze swirled about, as calming as Donghyuck’s voice, _no exaggeration_. They had been walking in silence, until Donghyuck began doing vocal warm-ups. Now he had been singing along to any music blasting on their way, making up ridiculous lyrics, freestyle dancing to some. He had discarded his short shorts for a jersey shorts he had bought together with Mark last year, paired with an oversized black T-shirt.

They turned around a corner. Then another into a quiet one-way road, not as bright as the wider streets but spattered in golden tones. The road was narrow, but the sky seemed broader over small establishments and bird-inhabited power lines. The sudden stillness felt rather peaceful.

They stumbled upon Jisung and Chenle, two high school kids who had been a constant presence in their rehearsal sessions, on their usual hang out place.

“Jisungie!” Jaemin called.

Jisung grimaced at their direction from his position on the curb in front of Chewing Gum. He was sucking on one of those ring pops, his was an aquamarine plastic ring with a gemstone-shaped green candy. Mark had no idea what flavor that was, but Jisung appeared like he was sucking on a pacifier. A comic book was sandwiched between his stomach and his folded legs. He most likely borrowed it from the dusty manhwa store next to Dream Launch.

“Why are you looking at me like that!” Jaemin yelled.

Jisung made a face, then turned to Chenle beside him, who was too engrossed in whatever he was playing on his Samsung GAM*BOY (a SEGA Gameboy clone) to lift his head up and greet them.

“Do you guys have practice today? It's Sunday,” Chenle asked without looking up.

Donghyuck plopped down beside Chenle and peered at his game. Jeno sat next to Jisung and asked to skim the comic book. Mark and the rest just stood and hovered above them.

"Jisungie, do you perhaps, have hidden skills in playing drums?" asked Jaemin.

Jisung removed the ring pop from his mouth. "I'm still learning guitar. From Jeno hyung."

"I said drums."

"Nope."

"Do you wanna learn drums?"

Jisung looked up with hopeful eyes. Then he squinted. "Ahhh, there's something more about this, isn't it..."

"Do you wanna learn and then play drums for us at a rock festival?"

"Oh. Why? Are you quitting or are they tired of you now and want you replaced?"

Jaemin frowned.

Jisung finished his candy. "When's the festival?" he asked, carefully lifting Chenle's pointer finger to put the ring on it.

"It's in October," Mark answered because Jaemin was still frowning at Jisung and Renjun was busy snickering at Jaemin's sulky expression.

"Oh. Next year?"

"Nah. Like, this year."

Jisung's eyes widened. He raised one big hand and waved it vigorously. "No, no, no, no, no!" he said.

Mark turned to Chenle. "Hey, Chenle," he said. "Do you know how to play drums?" They were aware of Chenle's talents in singing and playing the piano. There might be a chance that he knew how to play another instrument.

Chenle didn't cease the tapping of his thumbs on his GAM*BOY. "I don't know how to. What's wrong with Jaemin hyung?"

Renjun broke down what happened and now the two kids were looking at Jaemin in worry.

"Hyung…are you okay?" Jisung asked Jaemin, who grinned so wide in response, Jisung's worried face immediately creased into a scowl.

"My son is worried about me!" Jaemin celebrated.

Eventually they left the kids and crossed the road towards Dream Launch, where they found Kun at the counter, glaring at the computer. Probably an e-mail again. His expression brightened when he saw them.

"Yo, Kun-ge," said Mark. "What's up?"

The place was air-conditioned, dimmed by surrounding black walls and yellow lights. The Dream Launch was co-owned by Chenle's older brother whom they have yet to meet. It was always Kun assisting them, other times they'd encounter Sicheng with him doing part-time work, or Bad Alive's lead guitarist named Xuxi.

Jaemin sat down on the bench across the counter, cushioned in black leather, and leaned his back on the wall. The rest of them remained standing by the counter. Not far from them was a hallway where the three soundproofed studios were located.

They explained their situation to Kun. Kun could play the piano, guitar, could sing, and could produce music, but, he couldn't play drums. He was willing to learn, though. But when they told him the festival was in two months, his eyes bulged out, and was all, "Well…"

"How about this," Kun said after a moment. "One of the guitarists, that includes Renjun, will play drums. Then Donghyuckie here will sing with a guitar."

"That's not bad," said Jeno.

They later discarded the idea, realizing how learning a new instrument would take more time than a fill-in learning new songs.

Renjun sighed. "Ah, it's still better if we get someone who's already skilled…"

"Donghyuck got the chops in drums. He's really good," Jaemin said.

The compliment invoked a gasp from Donghyuck, who instantly opened his arms wide, smacking his chest twice, inviting Jaemin for a hug. But Jaemin didn't move an inch, responding only with a blank stare.

They were all aware of how good Donghyuck was. If the drum throne was unoccupied (mainly because Jaemin was still somewhere on the streets of Sinchon, still on his way to Dream Launch, or he was busying himself with his camcorder), Donghyuck would be there behind the drum kit with the studio-provided drumsticks, practicing rudiments or playing iconic drum intros.

The first time Mark had discovered this, it was over a year ago, they were alone at the studio as they had arrived earlier than the others. Mark was sprawled on the brown leather couch (Jisung and Chenle's place when watching them practice). Donghyuck removed a cassette tape from his Discman, then asked Mark to put it on the player on the low shelf. Mark did so without a question, he didn't notice Donghyuck taking a seat on the drum throne, until Judas Priest's "Painkiller" blasted off, and then he heard a drumming behind him. He was frozen, mouth agape, although later, he learned from Donghyuck's teasing that he had been uttering a lot of "Wow, wow, wow," and "Whoa!" the whole time. At least he didn't blurt out a "Holy shit, that was hot."

Donghyuck was taking a step forward towards Jaemin, giving his chest two slaps, but then Jeno warned, as if they didn't know this, "If you keep insisting, Jaemin's gonna kiss you."

Jaemin grinned.

Donghyuck, arms still open wide, turned to someone closer to him, which happened to be Mark, and then trapped him in his arms. Donghyuck squeezed him twice then released him straightaway. Mark would have hugged back if he hadn't let go too soon.

"Wait," Donghyuck said, hand over his mouth, eyebrows raised, eyes glinting which could only mean an idea had struck him. Dipping his head to one side as if not yet sure about what he was going to say, he said, "Can I be a drummer vocalist?"

"Yo..." Mark said.

"Oh!" Renjun pointed at Donghyuck, then grabbed his own chin to think. "Why not."

"Oooh…" uttered Jaemin.

Jeno widened his eyes, mouth in an o, already considering it. Even Kun was nodding.

"Right?" Donghyuck said.

"Oh-ho!" Jaemin clapped and pointed at Donghyuck.

Jeno wrapped an arm around Donghyuck's shoulder and shook him, seemed relieved and excited.

"We were too focused on looking for a drummer, this hasn't crossed our minds..." Renjun said.

Donghyuck tipped his head back in triumph.

"This is your Phil Collins moment," said Renjun.

"Ugh, Injun. It's Roger Taylor," Donghyuck corrected, then he soared into a falsetto, half-heartedly doing Roger Taylor's harmony in "Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Wait, are we still gonna post ads?" Jeno asked.

"Honestly," Renjun said, chuckling. "I don't want to anymore."

Jaemin raised his hand. "I only want to lend my throne to Donghyuck's ass," he said, to which Donghyuck responded by sticking his ass out. "I'm changing my mind," Jaemin said. Donghyuck pouted.

"Wait, wait, hold on," said Mark. "Are we like, deciding like right now?"

They exchanged looks.

"Well. Why not? We don't have much time," answered Renjun.

Donghyuck was looking at him. Not even glowering at him, just looking. _God_ , Mark was so bad at these things. Donghyuck probably thought Mark was against it, like he didn't think Donghyuck could do it.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." Mark waved a hand. "I was just like, kinda surprised that we're already making a sudden...big decision, you know? But yeah, yeah." He nodded. "All right. All right."

"So are you good with it?" Renjun asked.

Mark pictured them playing with Donghyuck's added role in the band. Donghyuck was the shit. He was going to kill it. They could adjust to each other really well.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm down," Mark said.

Donghyuck spread his arms and did his victory walk in circles. Two rounds later he halted to point a finger at Mark, then winked. Kun gave them a thumbs up and went back to frowning at the computer.

"Let's get it!" they shouted.

When they went out of Dream Launch, Jisung and Chenle were still on the other side of the road, Jisung hunching over the GAM*BOY, Chenle reading the comic book, ring still on his finger. Mark paused at the curb. He heard the doors close behind him, the others joking around. The sun was setting. The streetlights were on. The birds had flown away from the power lines. Donghyuck, all of a sudden, rested his chin on Mark's shoulder from behind, and Mark did not push him away. A lot of things had changed. A lot of things _would_ change.

"Let's go," Donghyuck mumbled.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter & cc: @__madlife
> 
> honestly...im not confident about this at all i'll try to write the following chapters better!!! oh my GOD
> 
> anyway i dont want to think too much about the names of the places and the bands so i used the titles of nct's releases hahaha Akmong is the Korean title of "Come Back"


End file.
